Changes continue

It has been a long time since my last post. So much has happened. My husband passed away in December. It has been quite an adjustment. It is a hard thing to learn to live without someone in your life who loved you and you loved. Donald was a good man, and I hated to see him suffer as he did the last few weeks. After he died, the first few months were so difficult. As a therapist, I have worked with people who were grieving. And you can know about the stages of grief and lots of other things, but it isn’t the same as going through it yourself. I missed him! And the grief would show up at times when I wasn’t expecting it. But I would cry and then take the next step. I had the support of many kind people, and I am so thankful for each of them.

Also, I had NEVER lived by myself in my whole life. Honestly, I didn’t know if I could do it, but Jesus has been with me every step of the way. I have learned that I can do things I never had to do. Sometimes I really don’t like it - but I can do it! And Donald? I would not wish him back here to what his life had become. He is with Jesus now, he is free of his earthly body, and I know he is having a great time!

On the positive side, I finally got the Blessing Box up and running. If you aren’t familiar, the Blessing Box is kind of like a small food pantry. People can take things and also leave things. From the start, there have been amazing kindnesses for me to witness. People need many things, but they also leave many things. There have been toys, books, canned food, toiletry items, socks, and snacks left and taken. It has blessed me like crazy!! Something that has surprised me is how quickly feminine hygiene products are taken. Again, we don’t know what another person might really need. I just found out that a local Vacation Bible School is donating their collection from the week to the Blessing Box. This is so exciting! If anyone would like to donate, please let me know.

Home

Well, we are home. And I felt like I breathed in and out a huge sigh. South Carolina is a beautiful place - but it just wasn’t home. So we have moved into our home and found our new church home and I am seeing clients virtually still. Hopefully I will be in an office soon.

What I really want to talk about today may seem like a weird topic - but one that is important to many women. I found out about an organization called The Homeless Period Project - they provide feminine hygiene products to homeless women. Did you ever think about that? I didn’t until one day I had a woman come to my office and ask if I had any sanitary napkins for her daughter. Imagine having to do that! Unfortunately, I did not. But it made me aware of the dilemma homeless women face- or even women in difficult financial times. This organization sent me - for free - enough hygiene products for ten women for a month. It is an awesome service they are providing! You can check them out online if you are interested in knowing more.

https://www.homelessperiodproject.org/

It is another harsh aspect of life that I had no idea about - but one that is very real.

I have made several blessing bottles - I keep them in the car just in case. Our pastor also said he knows a good place to go to give them out. And I am pursuing having a Blessing Box. I need a cabinet of some sort to hold the items to be given away. If you are in the Bridgeton area and come across an old china cabinet or something similar - let me know please! You can learn more about this at the link below.

https://blessingboxproject.com/

My Personal Hotspot

We are finally moving, and I have been in this battle to discover how to use my personal hotspot so I can continue to see my clients till we are in our home. And battle is the right word! I was on the phone for three hours Saturday with Apple who restored my phone - but still it didn’t work. And I was beginning to feel a little desperate. So I asked my daughter - whose husband is a very smart guy - if he had any suggestions. This morning she texted me that you have to activate the hotspot with your carrier!! Who knew? So, I called our carrier and in ten minutes - there it was - internet on my tablet using the hotspot! And on my laptop! Yay!!

I was thinking about this, and the thought came to me that we all need a personal hotspot - not for the internet, but for our connection to the Lord. And I realized that mine is the Holy Spirit. He is always available - doesn’t need any special password. If the electricity goes out - He doesn’t! If I am far from home and those I love - He is close to me. Bringing comfort and strength. And that is what has happened over this time in South Carolina. I have learned so much about the Lord and the Holy Spirit and my Daddy’s vast love for me. When I missed my family in NJ - He helped me and comforted me. And now we are leaving next week! Certainly wasn’t the time frame I expected, but I’m guessing it is far better.

We started watching a church online where we will be moving - Transformation Church. It has powerful worship and preaching. But the really crazy thing is that it is right across the street from our new home! Who could have planned that but God? So stay tuned - I am waiting to see all that He continues to do!

Hope of Tamar

Something I would like to be involved in is outreach to prostituted people. Prostitution is talked about in the Bible. In Genesis 28, we hear about Tamar. She was married to the son of Judah, but her husband died. There was a law that was followed at that time that basically said if a husband dies, it is the responsibility of a surviving brother to marry her, have children with her, and take care of her. This helped to carry on the family line. Back then, a woman depended on her husband and children to care for her. In the case of Tamar, the brother of her husband would sleep with her, but not agree to having children with her, and then he died! There was one other brother, but Judah didn’t want to make that arrangement. He was afraid this son too would die. So he lied to Tamar - promising his son to her, but not intending to fulfill that promise. Tamar figured his deception out. What was she to do? Tamar decided to do what she needed to do in order to guarantee her survival since the law was not being followed. She dressed as a prostitute and went to the city gate, and Judah came along. Because of how she was dressed, he did not recognize her and approached her for sex.
What would you say about a woman who did that? A lot of people would condemn her, judge her, and stay away from her. But the truth is if Tamar did not have a husband or children, she would end up a desolate, poor woman. Does this happen now? Maybe not in the exact same way, but everyday women, men, and children do what they need to do to survive. Not because they like what they do, but because they feel they have no other choice. 85% - 95% of those in prostitution want to escape it, but have no other options for survival. They may be homeless, without enough education to get another kind of job, without family, or with family that was abusive. 65% - 95% of those in prostitution were sexually assaulted as children. We may not like to think about this because it seems too ugly. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. And how can we help if we won’t think about something or look at something?
How do we help? I believe the first thing is to love that person as they will allow you. It may take time and persistence for them to trust you at all. But to me it makes sense to start by loving and accepting them before we try to tell them they need Jesus. They first may need food, or clothes, personal care items, or a safe place to stay. They need their survival needs met first. They need to feel accepted as they are - that they don’t have to clean up before we can love them. It happens in our lives as well. If we feel accepted and loved, we are more open to suggestions and encouragement from other people.
Every person has a different calling. This may not be your calling to get actively involved in. But just learning about this may open your heart to have compassion rather than judgment.

*The statistics above came from the website, www.prostitutionresearch.com.

The Orphan Heart

Thanksgiving will pour out of the windows; laughter will spill through the doors. Things will get better and better. Depression days are over. They’ll thrive, they’ll flourish.

Jeremiah 30:19, The Message

You may ask how do an orphan heart and that verse go together? That is a good question!

For those of us who had either absent parents or abusive parents, we may be left with an orphan heart - meaning we feel abandoned, sad, distrustful of parental or authority figures, fearing that our relationships will not last, fear of connection, and we feel chronically dissatisfied. In addition, we may feel left behind and stuck. Perhaps the greatest loss - we don’t believe that God is trustworthy and is really for us. Rather than receiving His love, we fear punishment and loss. We feel that we have to perform in order to win the approval of Him and others.
Our earthly parents are so important in forming what we believe about ourselves. If they neglect or abuse us, we are left feeling like there is something wrong with us. And we start to work at getting their approval, and many of the above behaviors start popping up. As we get older, we kind of generalize those feelings onto God.
So, what is the cure? The cure is to accept who we are to God. That may mean working through the hurts we have from childhood. But we have to learn what is true about ourselves and replace the distorted thoughts of our childhood with God’s truth about us. The Bible calls this renewing our minds. In the counseling world, it is called Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. What we think affects how we feel and behave. If we think negatively about ourselves, this will turn into negative thoughts and behaviors. And if you think about it, it makes alot of sense. An example would be that I thought I caused my abuse, which led to very negative thoughts about myself, others, and God. As I have healed, I have learned that taking responsibility for my abuse was wrong. And as I processed all of this, I have learned more and more about who I am to the Lord. He loves me - and you - so much more than we can imagine! His Word says that we are fearfully and wonderfully made and that His works - us - are wonderful! That is cause for Thanksgiving to pour out of the windows!

Plans

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.

Jeremiah 29:11

We all make plans. Right now, we plan to return to New Jersey. I miss my kids and grandkids there so much. And the plans I had when we moved to South Carolina have not materialized. Because my schedule in NJ had been a full one, I assumed that would happen in SC. But I was wrong. Despite being credentialed with many insurances, it hasn’t worked like I planned. Maybe I didn’t connect with the right people, maybe I really wanted to go home. But my plan has not worked. I have learned alot here about how much God loves me. Maybe that was part of God’s plan for me. I have experienced so much spiritually that I never had before. Maybe that was part of God’s plan too. A good friend said to me that maybe this move wasn’t about work - but about what God had for me.

One thing I am learning is that God’s plans are far better than mine. His plans are tailored just for me - because He knows what I need and what I will need in the future. He knows how He wants to use me. So, no matter how it looks, if He takes us back to NJ - it will be for our good and His glory.

The plan there is to reopen New Hope Counseling. Now I believe this is part of God’s plan for us. New Hope is a nonprofit counseling ministry that my husband and I started in 2010. Its’ purpose was to provide affordable counseling for trauma. Its’ foundation lay in the abuse I experienced growing up and how I felt that God wanted me to comfort others as I had been comforted. For different reasons, we got away from New Hope. Part of this was financial. And I believe part of it was fear. Fear that, even though God had gotten it started, He somehow was going to walk away and leave us behind. And He has reminded me about New Hope more than once. Maybe this is part of the reason things haven’t worked out here as I PLANNED. Because it wasn’t His plan.

I am excited how God is going to work this out. But His Word says He will - and it will be to give me hope and a future. And to prosper me and not hurt me. So this is also about learning to trust Him. I’ll keep you posted. And I appreciate your prayers!